drop-4

Is this true?

“Yes”. He said in monosyllable without any hesitation, as if he waited for this question long enough.

“Was that a lie then?”. next question came even before the answer was given

“No, It was also true”, he answered trying to stop the smile the lips are taking.

Both were true as it is a result of when and where. Truth drifts with time and morphs itself. Truth is like a larva, we hide in our fist. After time when we release our fingers, it flies as butterfly. Truth is the biggest lie.

All is not well

What am I doing with my life? So far its answer was eluding me through philosophical or existential point of view. Of late even in terms of my daily routines, I have no answer. Am I forgetting what I did or am I doing nothing? Time drips through my hand like the water in the hands of child. We never know what peace is unless it ends. The books are waiting like the old friend, who is waiting in his room to hug me and fill me with warmth. But still I am not able to get back to them. Its weeks since I finished last book, which by itself the one I have read for so long. To get back to our best pal, we need clarity and now in my mind everything looks like viewing a busy highway on a rainy day.

Responsibility is making decisions, taking a call, sticking to it and convincing others on that. For me any call made is bluffing with life and hence I always preferred to be a leaf drifting in the rapids of a great river. To the surprise of my own I bluffed with life. I started as a person entering for first time into casino, tightly clenching the few shillings in his hands and hesitantly took a table, observing fellow players, making calculation when shall he exit etc. But as game proceeds, as the web gets dense and as stakes gets higher, I recognize, there is no fall back. Things are going to change, leaving guilt in one way or other. To add more twists life brings in more responsibility. All of a sudden I become like a mother who got triplet in her first delivery. The guilt of ignoring other always lurks in her heart as she serves another. In the futility of making someone happy others are left hurt. Worse is yet to come- fatalism in the game of bluffing. It’s far more dangerous as the mind no longer takes how the cards are getting shuffled, who holds what. It simply bets, draws a card and drops it.

But everything has an end, though the traces will be in the air long after. All I wish is the hearts I hurt will understand me even though not forgive me.